I don’t know how to start when I look over the last few months. I have so much to tell, so much to write about. When did I write you last time? I can’t even remember! I assume it was when I was in Canada. Yep, I have been back in the good old Europe for a while now! Most of the time it’s been ‘lockdown’, and it’s still lockdown right now in the country of the Queen Elizabeth.
First impression! Left France for the UK in January 2019, then settled in Canada in June 2019, grabbed my backpack to travel to Mexico at the end of December 2019: one of the best decision of my life, maybe the best!
An unplanned return last February when the angels decided to recall a wonderful woman by their side. In 10 minutes the decision was made, to be with the one who had a heavy heart and tears to dry was the only place on this planet where I wanted to be.
Then a certain Covid decimated the world, putting life on hold in an unprecedented situation for many of us. I can’t imagine the consequences for some people …
For me, the consequences were emotional, you will tell me it is not always the easiest to manage. That said, I still feel ‘paused’. I know which direction I want to go, but feel unable to progress.
However, I was surprised to accept the situation without resentment to put an end to this year-long trip to settle down and repatriate my belonging to this country that I love so much. I still admit that going from the Canadian accent to the English accent is challenging!!! I cherish the idea of going back to Canada in a few months with my 2 best friends to find out where I should have been this spring. I cherish the new chapter of life that I’m writing, it is full of love to a point that I have never imagined possible. Tears rise when I write this, such a relief because finally I receive the one I dreamed of so much and that is life-changing!
This trip was so incredibly rich. I don’t even know how to sum it up! I met so many amazing people: Leslie, Flavie, Anne, Megan, Alena, Irina, Robert, Don, Tommy, Chris, Sergio, Flore … to name a few. Unforgettable moments: Canada day, being arrested by the cops like in the movies, Thanks-giving, Halloween, seeing flamingos and a crocodile on the same day, swimming in a lagoon and in the Pacific Ocean at 15 degrees, doing some kayaking close to a seal, the backpack so heavy that I promise to lighten (one day maybe), not to mention hitchhiking because I grabbed the wrong boat and I landed in the middle of nowhere …
Travelling alone is an incredible experience, it made me think about myself (yep even more), learn to take time, learn to accept certain unexpected situations. I needed this time so much for myself, to think only of realising this dear dream. What an accomplishment, what a satisfaction! Just wow! I wish you to realise your dreams, it’s, in my opinion, is the best gift to yourself!
This sudden change, of course, is so strange. I wish I could say it’s ok, and that I go through it well. A few weeks before lockdown, I was in Mexico with my backpack feeling free to move in the wilderness and suddenly, I can no longer go out. I have no other place to discover than my kitchen or my bedroom! It stings!
I would like to take advantage of this opportunity to learn new things or to challenge myself. Instead, I have listened to my deep desire: to rest, to go slowly. Not easy but still necessary. My body needed it, I slept in so many different places, tents, inflatable mattresses, terrible mattresses …, sharing the room with people who snore or with hundreds of red ants (yes yes those bite!), to carry up to 30kg or more to go from point A to point B, in temperature ranging from the -15 degrees of Ontario to the 35 degrees of Mexico – yes a little rest is welcome.
At the beginning I felt very guilty, step by step I accepted it…..anyway what can I do? Just going out on the street requires slaloming on the sidewalk to maintain 2 meters distance then launching a new project that can wait a little bit. It’s growing and that is magic.
So, every day, I take the time to write, write down the number of days of lockdown (over 80 now, what ???), to practice yoga and meditation because after all, a moment like this where I have the luxury of taking a break and sketching the pages of tomorrow may never come again.